The two ‘great’ biblical commandments involve relationships with persons: love God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself. [Matt 22:36-40]. Seeking, developing, and sustaining relationships with others takes some degree of effort, from time spent together, talking together, doing activities together, resolving disagreements, etc. The closeness or deepness of our relationships depends upon many factors-some of which lie within us and some lie within the person with whom we are seeking to relate. If God is the other person, then it appears obvious to me, that any factors negatively affecting or hindering my relationship with Him all lie within me. I list below what are, in my opinion, some of the more stubborn hindrances to our progressing in building meaningful relationships with both God and people.
FEAR-One hindrance to our connecting well with others is our fear of getting closer with another human being, as well as with God. God may well [and does!] know us intimately [Ps 139: 1-6] but we are often not comfortable with letting others ‘in.’ Perhaps we are afraid they will find something within us about which they disapprove, or they may disclose to others something we do not wish shared. The apostle John wrote: “if someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen” [I John 4:20]. “John is declaring that our closeness to people is a measuring stick to some extent, of our closeness to God.” [quote from ‘Hiding From Love’ by John Townsend, Zondervan]
Some of us seem to have a rather long ‘stiff arm’, one that is useful in keeping others at a ‘safe’ distance from us, thus avoiding the emotional discomfort, a sort of mild or even substantial anxiety associated with practicing honest self-disclosure and vulnerability with others.
RELATIONAL SLOTH-Another factor hindering our relational closeness is, frankly, our ‘relational sloth.’ It takes work to attempt to connect well and deeply with others and many of us lack the will to sustain the attempt to do so. Like physical exercise, after a few visits to the gym, we decide that ‘getting in shape’ just takes too much work.
IGNORANCE/SKILL- is another factor hindering relational closeness. We are not born knowing how to relate and connect well with others, and perhaps our relatively stumbling and unsuccessful attempts to do so have left a very bad taste in our mouth, so bad in fact, that we have mostly given up trying. No one becomes skilled at something without a beginning point and persevering in skill development. We can learn how to better listen and dialogue with others, including God.
PRIDE- “strong people do not really need others; strong people can manage life on their own, and attempting to ‘connect’ with others is an unnecessary waste of time and effort.” I suggest these types of comments are the often the words of a proud person, or perhaps a relationally fearful one, or one who never experienced positive bonding relationships in the past. Even if the sentiment expressed by words like these are true [though I do not believe they commonly are] they reject the responsibility of a serious follower of Christ to promote the Kingdom of God in this present world by learning how to connect better with others.
Thus, our fears, our sloth, our ignorance, our relational skill deficiencies, along with our pride, sabotage our efforts in attempting to connect well and deeply with others, including God. We thus end up lacking or losing our ‘relational ambition.’
What if avoiding, hiding, declining, or refusing to become ‘relationally ambitious’ was not an option as a follower of Christ? What if each of us was obligated to become more so, as a way to help fulfill the second great commandment of loving our neighbor as well as contributing toward helping fulfill the great commission? [Matt 28: 18-20]
Perhaps it is possible to be ambitious in our relationship with God, but not toward people. However, I believe the scriptures are clear enough that God would not be satisfied with such a relationship with Him- one in which we are avoiding seeking to relate well and deeply with others whom He has created and for whom His son died and rose again to redeem. He desires to use us to help those very others connect deeply with Him. We were not spiritually ‘born again’ into a family as an only child. We cannot escape the call of God on our lives to become increasingly ‘relationally ambitious’, toward both Him and people. Certainly, we each vary, sometimes very significantly, in our giftedness, emotional capacity and spiritual and emotional strength to implement such ambition as discussed here, but surely, we cannot escape fully the responsibility altogether. We may be burdened with past injuries to our soul by others and may need time alone and with counsel to work through those pains. But I believe our lives will be enriched immeasurably the more ‘relationally ambitious’ we become, though admittedly we need to guide such ambition with ‘boundaries’ to protect our emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
Christmas and Easter are the bookends dramatically evidencing God Himself is the most ‘relationally ambitious’ being in the universe. He sought us when we were not seeking Him and calls us to join Him in seeking others to become a part of His family.
Does my conduct toward God and people reveal that I am growing in becoming more ‘relationally ambitious’?
What would your conduct reveal?
‘Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord’ but do not do what I say” [Luke 6:46]
CJS
Curt, this does not directly relate to your topic; however, I am not clear what loving your neighbor as yourself means. Could you expound on this?
Very true indeed.