Hindrances to Offering Praise to Others

In my last post I mentioned the importance offering well-earned praise to others that we encounter in our daily life. This of course becomes an important “tool” to a teacher, coach, employer, etc in their effort to inspire a student, employee, etc. It is, in some ways, easier for a person in some position of authority to dispense praise simply because the student, athlete, employee, etc is often seeking to satisfy that person in authority, and receiving praise is one form of a satisfying “payback” to the student, athlete, etc.

Sometimes however, we are in more of a “peer” relationship with others and especially if we are in a competitive setting, it can become quite difficult to genuinely offer to others an “attaboy” or other words expressing your approval and commendation. After all, why would you want to commend someone you hope to defeat in some kind of contest, especially if, after the contest, they defeated YOU? Thus, it is my suggestion that a person, who by nature tends to be “fiercely competitive” will have a harder time commending those with whom he or she is competing. I am not suggesting that there is no such thing as “friendly competition” conducted in good faith and fun, especially between friends, but I am merely pointing out that sometimes, competition raises the stakes enough to hinder the expression of praise/commendation to others.

Another hindrance, I suggest, involves the issue of our own insecurities. In dealing with peers in particular, our own sense of shortcomings [whether real or imagined] may hinder our offering much praise to other peers since doing so may only “reinforce” in our own minds that somehow we are “less” than that other person. My observation both in myself and others is that the less secure I feel in relation to a peer, the less likely I am to offer praise/commendation to that other person. Thankfully, the Lord has helped me see some of these insecurities within myself and prompted me to begin looking for every opportunity to offer genuine praise to another, even strangers, shop keepers, servers in stores, or restaurants. It certainly helps promote humility within ourselves if we “lift up others” via words of commendation. When dining in a restaurant I typically ask the server to send over his/her manager so I can commend to the manager the worker for a job well done. It is amazing to see people light up when we point out good things they do for us or others.

Our pride often also hinders us from commending others since, again, it may tend to reflect on our own shortcomings, at least in our own mind, and thus, we may be less likely to humbly offer praise or commendation to a peer who has “performed” well, in a skill in which we also seek to excel and especially it is often difficult if that other person performed ‘better’ than us.

If you are a bit stingy, in handing out praise, could it be you are hindered by your own insecurities, or are you pridefully competitive? Or has your pride caused you to set the “bar” so high that you just can’t seem to find anything worthy of commendation in others? Take a slow, hard look inside yourself. What do you find that is hindering you from offering commendation to others who may be living a life of “quiet desperation” and in much need of words of encouragement? Will you be the one who will offer those words?