Feel Free To Speak Your Mind!

[BUT ONLY IF IT IS A RENEWED ONE!]

Often, an ‘outspoken’ individual is someone who ‘speaks their mind’, meaning he or she utters aloud what they think about some issue or person.  Sometimes, the openly expressive person may even feel a bit proud that they are not bound up with fear of what others think of them, or whether they are following some kind of oppressive cultural norm of keeping their mouth shut. Webster says the idiom, ‘speak one’s mind’ means to “say what one thinks; to state one’s opinion”.  Harper Collins dictionary says: “underpinning this [i.e., speaking one’s mind] is a refreshing tendency to speak one’s mind, regardless of the consequences.” [Emphasis added]. Presumably, the ‘refreshing tendency’ just mentioned is deemed such, due to the otherwise often deceitful, untruthful, even veiled speech commonly found in our daily dialogue with others. It is ‘refreshing’ to know what someone honestly believes, and when such person ‘speaks their mind’ honestly expressing what they feel or believe about a matter, it is ‘refreshing’ for the rest of us hearers or readers to know. The term ‘two faced’ has come to refer to someone who is insincere and deceitful.  Obviously, we would rather deal with a sincere person who ‘speaks his mind’ than someone who is ‘two faced.’ The ‘regardless of the consequences’ statement above quoted however, needs further discussion.

The apostle Paul, in his letter to the Ephesians, says this regarding speech: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. [Eph 4:29 NIV].  Obviously, if we all followed this guideline, our relationships would much improve.  This passage however, does not directly address the issue of being ‘outspoken.’ It does however, address the issue of purposefulness in our speech-i.e., to build up, strengthen, or ‘benefit’ the hearer.  One test of ourselves before speaking could be: what is my intention regarding what I am about to say? Do I intend to ‘benefit’, or harm the listener? Offering flattering words to another may ‘benefit’ them in the sense of making them feel good about themselves, but such words do not help another person ‘grow up’ into greater maturity.  Only hearing the truth helps us do that.

In another portion of Ephesians Paul says: “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become, in every respect, the mature body of Him who is the head, that is Christ. Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor,  ..” [Eph 4:15,25].  To ‘grow up’ we must hear and perceive truth, and respond accordingly.  Being indifferent to the consequences of our speech however, is foolish if we are seeking to ‘build’ up others. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” [Prov 15:1]. “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” [Prov 12:18].  Paul says we are not to just ‘speak the truth’ [i.e. be ‘outspoken’] but must speak or wrap that truth in love if we intend to benefit others. It is quite hard and painful to ‘swallow’ the truth if it is wrapped in barbed wire, but if wrapped with gentle words there is a greater chance of a positive response from the hearer.  Carelessly ‘speaking one’s mind’ can be very destructive to others and doing so may merely be a fulfillment of Proverbs 18:2: “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions”. 

In reality, something more than a ‘speech filter’ needs to be applied to our mouths, though  perhaps that would be a good start.  We actually need a ‘renewed mind’: “…and do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..” [Romans 12:1-2].  The Lord said: “the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.” [Matt 15:19].

“Freely speaking one’s mind’ IF that mind is not substantially renewed or in the process of being made so, is like giving a loaded pistol to a five year old child-destructive things are likely to happen. To grow up, to experience a renewed mind, we must begin and continue long term the process of aligning our life, our beliefs, and our thinking with the straight-edge of the scriptures. It takes humility to hear and receive the truth, and it takes courage to speak it to others.  We therefore, need to be continuingly growing in humility, AND growing in courage and skills in speaking the truth in love to others.

I want to grow in ‘speaking the truth in love’; yes even ‘speaking my mind’, but only if my words are coming from a biblically renewed one.

How about you?

CJS

Suggested reading to acquire more skills:

How to have that difficult conversation: Gaining the Skills for Honest and Meaningful Communication by Henry Cloud and John Townsend [Zondervan 2020]