About two weeks ago I stopped at a local gas station to fill up. As I opened my car door, I heard a woman’s voice shout ‘sir, sir!’. I looked around and saw no one, but shortly a woman came around from the other side of the gas pump and asked me ‘can you loan me $5 for gas so I can get home’. I am often cautious when confronted by an individual at one of these gas stations due in part to our being warned not to give them money since they [apparently] are often drug users or alcoholics. So, if one of them tells me s/he is hungry and asks for cash, I will usually just take them inside the station store to buy a sandwich or other food items. I asked the lady who requested a ‘loan’ how far away was her home, and she replied ‘on north Harvard’ [which is in Tulsa where I live]. I then said, ‘well, this won’t be a loan because I will never see you again, so you are really asking for a gift’, to which she sheepishly said ‘yes, I guess so’. ‘Let me hook up the pump for my car, and then I will go into the station and order the $5 of gas to be put on your pump’. I then walked into the station building, saw the clerk busy at the register, gave him a $100 bill and asked if he would put $5 of gas on pump 14. He gave me my $95 in exchange for my $100 bill and I then walked out to the pump. The lady came around from the other side and stuck out her hand for a thank-you shake and then said something like ‘thank you, have a blessed day’, then hurried to her car and drove away. [$5 buys only about two gallons of gas in my city and does not take long to pump.]
I finished filling my tank, got back in my car, frankly feeling a bit smug [not a lot just a little] due to my feeling so ‘incredibly compassionate and generous with this stranger.’ Seriously, within a few seconds, the thought came into my mind as if directly spoken from the Lord and it completely stunned me: “Curt, why did you not put $10 worth of gas in her car? Why not $20? Why did you not completely fill her tank with gas?” ‘Well, Lord, she asked for $5 worth of gas so that is what I gave her’. “Do I not give you many blessings beyond what you ask for? Do I not watch over you day and night and provide for you in ways you don’t even recognize?” ‘Yes, Lord you do.’ “And furthermore, you did not say one word to her about Me! You didn’t even give her a gospel booklet that informs her that I am the One who is the source of all blessings!” ‘No, I didn’t Lord. She seemed to be in a hurry, and…. I don’t even carry gospel booklets in my car very often.’ My self-defense collapsed quickly, and my low-grade smugness vaporized after my brief ‘chat’ with the Lord in my mental ‘woodshed.’
I have reflected on this experience over the last several weeks and concluded that too often I practice what I am calling ‘contractual charity’-I sometimes merely give to the asker, what they requested. Obviously, I have not marinated myself long enough in the story of the ‘good Samaritan’ [Luke 10:30-37] as well as other teachings of the Master, to acquire the character of a compassionate and caring person who genuinely and generously blesses those others he/she encounters in daily life. Even tithing [think of the Pharisees-see Luke 11:37-42] can be a form of ‘contractual charity’ if it is done for the purpose of fulfilling a perceived duty along with the expectation of some corresponding blessing received in return, including the esteem of others. When I shared my story with a friend, he remarked of his need to create more margin in his life so he has more time to stop and help others and not be so busy as to have to rush off to the next appointment. I also have concluded that being insecure in these kinds of circumstances [my being confronted by the lady’s need at the gas station] tends to cause me to ‘fear being exploited’ by a ‘needy’ person resulting in closing my heart to him/her. But, don’t I need to protect my ‘boundaries’? Yes, but I also need to grow in becoming more secure in dealing with strangers in need, [as was Jesus, who was not disturbed by being in-the-midst of ‘drama’] and practice knowing how to wisely but kindly assist them if I can.
I want to abandon contractual charity, and in its place immerse my soul in the increased awareness of my Lord’s ‘amazing grace’, kindness, compassion, and generosity to me. [e.g., Ephesians 5:1-2] I don’t want to merely ‘act’ compassionate or generous, but instead to actually become that kind of person. A person who is genuinely secure, pure, wise, and caring.
LESSONS FROM THE WOODSHED
I did not think in a generous way with the gas station lady, more of a legalistic, almost contractual way-‘you asked me for $5 worth of gas and I gave it to you’. Deal done, my obligation is completed. Secondly, I was not alert to, and thus did not seize the opportunity to inform her of the One who can bless her profoundly and who can go the distance with her to a heavenly home. I was not even equipped with gospel literature. These are very basic, essential traits and skills of a bondservant of Christ. Regrettably, but apparently, I will often need to return and warm my seat in the Lord’s sanctifying woodshed for a long time to come.
“And do not neglect doing good and sharing, for with such sacrifices God is pleased” [Heb 13:16 NASB]
May the One who embodied love, fill you with peace, a cheerful heart, and a yearning to know Him more deeply than ever, this Christmas season and throughout the new year.
CJS
Thank you, Curt, for these words of admonition and love. Janet
Curt, I completely agree with your thoughts. It seems we too often want to know and “qualify” the person in which we may be giving cash or a gift. Then, we may fall into that pit of judging others if we don’t watch ourselves. Thanks for the insights
I also agree with your thots Sam. Paul states to the Thessalonian church that ‘he who does not work is not to eat’ i.e. don’t support those who fail to work and support themselves. [II Thess 3:10] However, many people have various disabilities or circumstances that make it very difficult to acquire or hold a job, which I, merely meeting them in a gas station, would have no background with that person and thus no real factual knowledge of his/her situation. I am very aware via traveling with you for years of how kind and generous you are with strangers you meet on the street. You are a marvelous example of grace extended to strangers and I commend you for it.
Thank you Curt for your wonderful thoughts. Next time I am at a gas station and am confronted by a similar request, I pray that I remember your comments. Thank you.
A similar incident has haunted me for years. Actually, the correct word is convicted, rather than haunted, as every time the Lord gives me a similar opportunity now, I remember, consider, & think on what the Word has to say about our mutual failure that you described so eloquently. I’m thank-full with you, Curt, Philippians 1:6 is true & that He’s faithful when we’re not. Thanks for blessing MANY, including me. I miss you my friend!